nostalgia

Two years & More to go on...

2011-09-13T23:15:00.000-07:00

Last night, as we got into bed, my hubby asked me, 'Did we have too many frays in the past? ' .... 'I don know' I answered... About half a minute later we both agreed with each other that we had a good time, nothing to complain... Then as I lay there trying to recall the time that went by, I could hardly trace back a few instances where we had rough days at work and home. I was unable to close my eyes, what was it that made us realize that we had too little to quarrel about? As a sudden realization I told him, 'Its because we don't have enough time together, you see, we both are out at work for more than 10 hours, in the time that remains, we have chores to do, a child to take care of & a few hours to sleep. Where's the time to fight? ' and I found myself giggling at the thought. He corrected me, 'Why we do have plenty of time, we do argue about a lot of things...did'nt we decide over two weeks if we were to have an appartment or it would be an independant house? did'nt we have talks going on hunting & turning down offers on appropriate plots? did'nt we have a tough time deciding if we have afford a car before the baby arrived? now did'nt we discuss on when to christen the baby , whats her name ing to be, & how we were planning to get back to work with her around, now to top it we have something to talk on everyday.... we are constructing a house... we're always calculating budgets.. discussing things... thats plenty of time that we spent with each other.... I would say no opportunities less to end in figths....' & there goes a wicked smile on his face.... I smile too... realizing that two years did'nt just go by with no time spent, we have achieved a lot... & of course there's been lotta problems, happy times & anxieties... Life was wonderful... Who says, its difficult to live with strangers... I knew not this person , who lies beside me before 14th September 2009... a marraige that happened with just three months of planning , two families involved, with busy work days for the pair, we hardly spoke to each other... Now I know what he likes, where to stop ... how to approach.... & I see he too has realized how to keep pace with me ... A small silent smile crept up the corners of my lips, & my eyes were wet... I turned around to him, he asked me 'What?' ... Neither of us spoke, just a kiss said it all...'Thank you so much!!!', I heard him say 'HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! We've turned two years old'

Naive...

2009-03-27T02:40:00.000-07:00

They call me naive... im inexperinced it seems...
I ask them 'when do i turn suave?' ... do i need to reach my sixties?
I wait patiently for the day... learning and pulling to myself all i get...
Time is rolling by on its own way... spoiling me sometimes ...but more, making me all set...

Sometimes its over confidence ... but yet at others, lack of the same...
We all row in the same pinnace... waiting for our chance in the game...
Nobody sees himself steady always...never should that end up in a shallow...
If there are mounds then there are concaves... they are two faces of times' hollow

I try to set some sense of trend... 'Goodwill always wins' those words resound my sorrow...

Dreams come and dreams are made to bend... And ya i still stand with no one to follow...

If you think you can, or you think you can't your right...

2009-03-26T23:39:00.000-07:00

That qoute on the header to this article is not mine, yae i just picked that up from some place i read... But it makes sense, don't it? Think about it... what exactly does that say... It only means one thing, 'your decision is always right...' What you would have chosen for yourself would be the best choice, you need no one else to decide for you... Does anyone realize how strong that one liner is? Go deep into it and you will realize what you are today or what you might call your fate is exactly what you devised for yourself. As an individual, we all learn a lot in our lives by just living among other human beings... that is, you learn everyday... as you grow up... from being a kid to whatever you stand as today, is what we are taught or what we pick up as as part of our selves as we trod along... Till about the age of say, 14-15, we depend on quite a few poeple around us, who influence us in almost very many ways to make decisions and we always feel safer going back to them time and again... But there comes a time we begin to realize that the point of view of those closest to our hearts, stand only secondary to what we think... Its not that we don't value them anymore but its that you or me have begun trusting our own inner being so much that we digest the fact that we are capable of making the right choices for ourselves... As far as i can analyze this definitely is a right realization for each of us. But, there's more to it... When we decide to go our way and not take the inputs of poeple we live amoung, it calls for a lot of thought invoking. This is so because what follows our decisions fall as sole responsibilties on our shoulders.. you should'nt ever imagine anybody else to help you through the decision's after effects though there would always be people to come your aid. Owning the consequences of what you do for yourself is the biggest role you need to understand when you think you can handle your life. There is no such thing that as fate when some scenarios hit your life. Let me explain it to you with an example... When you walk on a road and are suddenly hit by a moving vehicle, you call it your fate..You might have been on the right side of the road following your rules as a pedestrain, but fate had something out of its books in store for you... and more often than not you need to cope with it... But on the other hand when you are faced with a situation where you have control, like giving up the opportunity to grabbing a good chance to make your life , ...it could be just leaving behind your family for a few years, there your the decision maker and nobody else... That's where your decision is right... 'If you think you can or you think you can't... your right...' Never blame yourself about what follows after you've decided... because that decision is always right.... :)

Hey Yaar... Im bored... :(

2009-01-19T22:25:00.000-08:00

A tuesday morn at work... seated in a cubicle of six...
staring at a word doc....realming myself in a fix...
three seats empty...as i look around,
the other three, you call a crowd...

Two are busy... and then there's me...
I frown to myself... its sooo boring...
But who do i hold responsible to that... its my life soaring...
My frown fades away... i open the document staring at me...
the head phones go into my ear... now for some music...
Nothing is boring... as long as you get going kid...

People tell You ....

2009-01-07T02:46:00.000-08:00

People tell you that, when you meet the love of your life... time stands still and it really does...but what they don't tell you is that when it resumes it moves twice as fast... to catch up with all it lost...

How classy is your job...

2009-01-06T23:54:00.000-08:00

Rrrrringgggggggg... goes the alarm.... whats the time... 6 O'clock... can sleep for another 10 mins...put it on snooze 'my cell is tuned 10mins ahead of time' .... in another split second i hear the alarm again.... God why is time flying?... get-up get-up.... yaawnn.... I need a cup of hot coffee...I place my feet down... oooooh... Its so freezing cold....where are my slippers.... ah now it feels good... feet well slippered, and in no mood to let the rest of my body take the same spine chilling cold, i get into a warm sweater and move towards the front door... Just as i open it a light breeze blows... grrrrrr.... bangalore's winters are getting really cold... oh, how i wish it was a saturday... now to go for work... i find myself at the gate.... put my hand into the bag and pull out the packet of milk... he's delivered it alright and here's the newspaper...can hardly read a word.. at six in the morn, its so dark...'its winter you bum... the days are shorter and nights longer' :) .... i go in straight to the kitchen.. light the stove.. place a tea-pot... put in the required amount of milk & look through the news of the day...'Satyam in deep crises', 'Pumps go dry on panic buying' - crazy people... :), 'Humbled in bypolls, Soren to lose job'-serves him right :( ... all just the continuation... hmmm the milks ready... now for the instant bru....

I comfortably seat myself at the table... sipping my brew and relishing it, i silently thank God the day began so well.... coffee on time... something clicks in my head... that boy.. the milkman... he must be around 18... he's doing his higher secondary... thats what he told me... its so great of that boy.. i mean he comes in everyday punctually, so early to make sure that all of his customers get their milk on time... its soo cold outside... wonder if he cribs in bed too... we need to look up to people like this to learn a few things from...

The newspaper boy, the milkman, your postman, your maid, the guy that collects garbage from your doorstep so you have a life easier to live... These are the people who you hardly even notice... everyday life just moves on... without even a second glance at any of these... There maybe, not much that you could do to light up their life... but its not that you can't do anything also... the few times you meet them face to face.. probably you would'nt even recognize them.. it could be the first time you notice who delivers your registered letters... but yet... just a harmless smile...or a silent prayer for the person... or maybe a salutation... 'good day' wish... that would bring a small smile... his/her day would be made...

As a part of society, there are some things that all of us as human beings need to learn... we need to learn to respect every individual around us... just as much as respect, you demand from another is how much you need to show to the other... and when you respect another person, you also will begin to respect his/her professsion... its not new to anybody i think, that we notice amoung us several people hold low regard towards certain categories of jobs... you see in your day-to-day life in conversations where people make qoutes like 'oh he, he works for a call-centre' or 'that chaps a driver'... it may not be a suitable job to you... but it does serve him/her as a source of living... There's almost no such thing as a 'classy job'...if there weren't people who do half your jobs for you everyday, life wouldn't be just as easy... think about it... were you to walk up to a shop for your pack of milk every morn...fetch the paper... drop kids at school... do all your daily chores yourself... a lot different isn't it?.. almost unimaginable... what you may sigh away as menial is probably manna for another... learn to be grateful... things will look less sophisticated then...

Minutes Beyond Christmas

2008-12-21T23:10:00.000-08:00

“Now to call it a Day”…. None of us mouthed it, but it sure ran through a couple of heads… :-) . Seated in a pizza hut at Koramangala, were six of the crew that joined for the action of the day. Ten members of a league named ‘SPOORTHI’ – ‘a group of like-minded friends’, that’s what I got from one of them, had planned up something eventful for Christmas.
Don’t get it wrong, it had nothing to do with sitting, munching pizzas…they were to get involved with REDS (Rag pickers Education & Development Scheme). A lot of organizing skills sure went into the whole day’s activity, but being new, an added advantage or disadvantage ;), I was not a big part of it… All I got to help with was, wrapping a handful of gifts meant to be distributed. That reminds me, thanks to Priya, a very sweet and intellectual looking girl (one of the new friends I made)… she spent most of her Saturday night wrapping up the gifts.
Sunday was the D-Day…Come the hour, 2:30 p.m., and the folks were all gathered up at N.G.V (National Games Village). Thence, we split into segments boarded autos, always available… :-) and reached the spot where the children were gathered. It was on the third floor of a building yet being engineered and as we climbed up the stairs we could hear a babble of voices, all excited, getting us back to maybe the view of a loose classroom… :-)
We entered carrying some bags with food for the kids, lunch ordered from Nandini – a restaurant that delivers food based on orders. Looking at the little faces, we could read a lot of mixed feelings there… there was hope, excitement, fun, naughtiness. There were 53 of them in all, 13 more than the expected turnover. Did that make us happy??? or sad??? – Not sure, it didn’t matter…With the help of a lady who monitors these kids at the Day Care, we seated them on mats and tried out best to make sure they all ate well. There was food in surplus and we were sure it would not go wasted (Dinner, even for a few of them would only be great). Once the food session was done, we exhibited our best leadership skills to organize a few games for the kids… The kids ranged from, anywhere between 5 yrs of age to 15, most of them being below 10. The ‘ayah’, as the little ones called her did a lot of favor helping with maintaining even the slightest silence that could be maneuver. One of our friends ‘Leka’, full throatily made best use of her such moments and announced the rules for the few games played.
After an hour or so, of playing the games though we are not sure how many of them got the games right, talking to them, learning to keep control over the bunch, we had the greatest pleasure of handing over a few gifts to the kids… of course we kind of ran short but, there were Abhay & Harashita, who volunteered to readily get a few more right away… We could see that the kids were eagerly waiting for their turns to receive books, shirts, toys, geometry sets… etc…
Many of them came back to us to wish us ‘Merry Christmas’; it really will be ‘merry’… A different kind of merriness about it… Suri & Priya managed to light up the evening with a few ‘cam-flashes’ striking about. We got a good number of happy faces. Finally we guys hopped back to our busy schedules and a few of us who had the time thought we’d contribute a little bit from our wallets to our tummies too… :-) Sitting there, I could see a lot of satisfied faces after putting plans to execution.
Not sure if any of those little ones would have a piece plum cake or a gulp of wine for Christmas, but one thing we sure know is… we managed to get a smile on each of the 53 faces for the day.

Ponder Yonder...

2008-12-16T03:50:00.000-08:00

Looking out of the window, I gaze into the open space...
As minutes drag by, little do I recognize a single face...
All I'm aware is I'm perched on a bus seat...
Reacting little, and in no sense of any heat...
A set of bizarre thoughts whiz by all at once, nothing stays past a second...
Not that any mean a thing, not one that I want to reckon...
Try to move my glare away, so many known faces with sleep conquered eyes...
Why can't I be normal too, shut them tight, that would be nice...
Two more seconds go by, and again I find myself staring...
This instant sizing the window pane, the next, gazing beyond a clearing...
The routine follows every single day, nothing new to add again...
Until a new face enters the stage, no other lessons to be learnt today...

Which is your Strata?

2008-12-16T00:07:00.000-08:00

Any idea how many sects there could be among human beings? A difficult question to answer… The reason being, every individual might come up with his/her idea of pegging different people.
Human race in itself can be graded on different levels, depending on what strategy is used for marking & demarking. Understanding human psychology from their behavioral reflexes, responses towards social life or yet again their adherence towards societal norms poses a partial picture of where he/she may thrive in society. The usage of your brain power to gear your own actions in your day to day life places you in one of the stratums.

Broadly divided, humans fall in three tiers… the “ORDINARY” … the “EXTRA ORDINARY” … and finally the “MIDDLE LAYER”.

The ‘ordinary’ comprise the kind that, live in submission. You never find them voluntarily breaking laws or if broken, the dueful must always follow. This strata needs to be led, they look forward to the bindings & customs imposed upon them as part of society. They seldom try something new and never want to be let loose. Given the freedom to make a free choice, they’d want to follow what has been in the mainstream.

The second distinction of society, the ‘extra-ordinary’… What’s their stand? That’s the whole thing… they posses a stand for themselves, whatever be the topic. They perceive themselves as a different elite layer. Hardly, do they give into the general thought process and almost always break the existing to create the new exemplaries. This category goes to any extent of using the guts required to prove their point. The ‘ordinary’ of their own era condemn the ‘extra ordinary’ but the same in an era down would follow them or call them the ‘Geniuses’.

The third category forms that layer, which has the faculty to think above the ordinary but fail to execute their thoughts as the extra-ordinary do. They try to fight the ordinaries of society and break the ice but soon realize they do not have the nerve enough to endure consequences & therefore abide by the existing.
Both the ordinary and the extraordinary are almost always happy… the ordinary never wants to come out of its comfort zone & the extraordinary has its way no matter who interferes. But the middle strata, always suffers and hides his/her wounds only because he/she is never happy with what is done but yet chooses to live with it.

Try to figure out where you fall. If it’s the middle layer, all you need is a bit of ‘self-confidence’ and an enormous amount of ‘sense of doing the right’ – A CLEAR CONSCIOUS.

Conscious versus Subconscious...

2008-12-08T22:37:00.000-08:00

How would you react?

Its a hot day...standing at a bus terminal...where's my luck? God, please send a bus from somewhere...looking around, struggling to stiffle a yawn...not one that i recognize...hmmm...There goes my brain...'DO NOT STARE AT ANYONE FOR TOO LONG'a small smile creeps up my lips...Suddenly im looking at a vagrant...he's not begging, only just sitting around...Is there anything particularly wrong with him? 'CHECK IF HE'S TOTALLY UNABLE TO FEND FOR HIMSELF BEFORE YOU SYMPATHIZE'...i continue scrutinizing him...there's a rag on his lap...is he lame? His hands are both alright though...a torn cap on his head but a tuft of his hair is visible... its gray alright... must be around seventy...Hmmm...Would i be able to work with a perfect set of hands and legs at 70? But why would i have to? I'll have enough around me by then...he's stirring...The man removes the rags on his lap, spread them alongside him and tries to move the lower part of his body onto the rags with the help of his perfect but aged and shivering hands.He lies down on it.

I can see him clearly now, yes... he is unfortunate... lost both his legs.. what can i do? Hey wait a minute...Im not the only person standing here...let me see...there are...1...2...3..hmmmm 9 people including me ... & .. & .. i think i am the youngest...Now thats not my business to help him when so many here don't care...I look away...five more minutes inch by...The brain again...'HOW OLD ARE YOU'... 25...hmmm...and i use that as an arguementative point to hold myself away.. or should i say in to categorize myself from any responisbility towards that man...Should i have been 40, would i have then, managed to help? i look at the ground for a split second and then my gaze goes back there...This time i notice that the helpless thing is staring into my face...why is he smiling at me?...he's mocking me...does he know what im thinking? Ok, now i have a valid reason... he's evil.. sure he's upto something.. id better stay away... run guilt.. run away from me.... i don't want to put my life at any risk...I look away again.What's the time... quarter to 2... Oh God, its nearing an hour since i came here... Am hungry...What do i do?...had a heavy breakfast though...& that too about 3hrs back...& am already hungry??? Am i gluttonous? Im 55kgs with an average height of 5.4"... guess thats ok...Now why am i looking at him again?God help me...he looks hungry...exhausted too...maybe I'l drop a coin or two at him...But what if he drinks himself to glory?...where does my money go then?...how does that matter anyway...Its not like I'm giving him a blank cheque right?... & a slight self mocking smile i give myself... Hey does he think i smiled at him..Oh sorry mister...I didn't...don't get any wrong ideas!!!There's something at the back of my head...I can't remember...what is it?...Close your eyes.. come on ... get it... Ah yes... There's a number...Just a click away... I have a helpline number with me...Its related to Helpage-India... I remember the mail...'USE THIS NUMBER(1090-toll free 24 hour helpline), SAVE SOMEBODY FROM BEGGING ESPECIALLY IN VERY HELPLESS SITUATIONS'...Where is it? Got it from someone at... Helpage... 1...0...where's the God damned bus... 9.......0...... hmmm....why am i reading out the number... i don't need to dial it... Hey, there's a bus coming...God, let it be the one I'm waiting for...please...Should i call him? I have about one minute before the bus reaches here... He's looking at me imploringly... Should i just drop the coins for him? No... I'l use the number...It says calling...God its ringing... The bus... its mine...Hurry...run for it...Got it..."HELLO" says a voice on the other end...cut the call... switch your cell off for some time... GOD... Am I safe??? Good you sent the bus on time... thank you God!!!See i told you, everything happens for the good...Its God who did his will, not my fault...& i try to smile consoling myself....

All the while when i was at the debate with the conscious part of my brain, my subconscious mind was just trying hard to create some amount of sympathy towards that poor soul...It tried in vain to educate me that all i needed to do was make the effort to call for a little help but it failed. Any idea, why? Well, because most of us think that the subconscious mind is present only to be used involuntarily during a fight or flight situation. Subconscious mind power is labeled as part of the normal individual’s personality in which mental processes function without consciousness under normal waking conditions. All the logical thinking is done by our conscious parts. Of course, the guilt factor hits the subconscious & conscious alike but that can be dealt with... Thats the attitude...

But thats not the way... Try to listen to both your voices. Give the chance for your logical answers to be picked from analyses of both parts of your thinking. Maybe then, we would end up hitting the 'rights' rather than the 'wrongs' more often.

There's a number somewhere up there... Take it... It does not use up much of your phone memories.. It may be of use to someone ... somewhere...